Have you ever heard of the five stages of grief? They are a series of stages Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified that we go through following a serious loss. Anything from an intense disappointment to the death of a loved one can be enough to trigger the stages of grief.
I love the five stages of grief. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not masochistic enough to actually want to experience the grief myself. But as a writer, these stages are pure gold. They provide a map of the emotional suffering your characters go through while grieving. Until your character hits the last stage, acceptance, their lives are painful. Sometimes a character can get stuck in a stage and never move on. All the better for dramatic conflicts.
You can also move characters quickly through the stages, barely touching on some, spending more time on others. Or you can have your character wallow in a single stage for chapters–even the entire book.
Initially, I planned to simply outline and explain each stage of grief, but instead I’ll illustrate the stages with a story about character we can all relate to: Arthur the Author.
The Boring Backstory
Arthur, or Artie as his friends call him, is basically a good guy. He comes off a bit selfish, not interested in others, but that’s because he spends most of his life in his own head, thinking of his stories. A bit socially awkward, Artie would rather be reading a good book than interacting with others. It’s a lonely life that he plans on changing … some day.
On and off for the last ten years he has been writing his novel, a work of such depth and compassion that Artie’s eyes mist over when he thinks about it. Last summer he finished revising it and worked up enough courage to send out query letters to several publishers. Five weeks ago, one of the publishers, Big Deal Publishing out of New York, asked for a manuscript. He eagerly sent it off, tying a red ribbon around the manuscript box.
Now, each day after work, Artie rushes to his mailbox, expecting news about his novel. He knows that publishers move slower than tectonic plates, but can’t help himself.
Grief Stage #1 – Denial
Artie pulled the mail from his mailbox and quickly rifled through it: junk; a credit card application; cable bill; more junk; a letter from Big Deal Publishing–he ripped the envelope open, dropping his other mail to the ground.
“Dear Mr. Arthur Wright, Thank you for your recent submission. We regret to inform you …” The letter fell from Artie’s fingers.
This couldn’t be. It had to be a mistake. After all, they had requested the manuscript. That meant that they were interested. Didn’t it?
He slowly closed his mailbox and gathered up the mail from the ground. He started back towards his house, moving as if he were in a trance.
He would call the publisher. That’s what he’d do. After all, it was probably just an honest mistake. Maybe his manuscript ended up in the wrong pile, the “Send Out Rejection Letters” pile.
Grief Stage #2 – Anger
By the time Artie reached his house he realized he had been fooling himself. They rejected him. That was obvious. To think otherwise was wishful thinking.
He slammed the front door behind him, stomped across his entryway into the kitchen, and threw the mail on the table. He paced around the kitchen. This was a bunch of crap. After all his hard work.
Artie went back to the table and dug through the pile of mail until he found the rejection letter. He tore it into small pieces and tossed the pieces into the air.
Grief Stage #3 – Bargaining
Artie looked at the pieces of the paper littering his kitchen floor and let out the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. He slumped to his knees.
“God, I know I’m not much of a praying man, but please help me.”
He rubbed his eyes, fighting back the tears.
“If you help me get published, I promise to start going to church.”
He looked up, expectantly, and slowly his head lowered and his shoulders slumped.
Grief Stage #4 – Depression
What was wrong with him? Did he really expect the heavens to open up and a shaft of sunlight to shine on him while a chorus of angels sang? How pathetic.
He struggled to his feet and opened a kitchen cabinet, pulling out the bottle of Jack Daniels he kept stashed there. He took a long swig directly from the bottle. It burned going down and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. The feeling subsided, replaced by a general feeling of warmth from his insides.
Artie trudged into the living room, carrying the bottle with him, and plopped down on his couch. Maybe he’d just watch the boob tube for a while. Is that what has-beens do, sit around and watch tv all day? Except he wasn’t a has-been because he’d never been published. He was a never-was.
He took a long pull from the bottle again. What a pathetic, delusional life he led. What a joke.
Grief Stage #5 – Acceptance
But.
This was his first real rejection. It should be no big deal. Hadn’t John Grisham been rejected dozens of times with his first book? It was stupid to take it so hard. He’d just have to get his book back out there again. Maybe there was even something he could learn from this.
Oh crap. He hadn’t even read the whole rejection letter. What if there was some piece of advice in it that would help him?
Artie scrambled to his feet and ran into the kitchen. He picked up the pieces of the letter he had thrown on the floor and grabbed a roll of scotch tape from the kitchen utility drawer. He sat down at the table, piecing the letter back together.
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Okay, I admit the proceeding isn’t the greatest story in the world, but it does illustrate moving a character through the different stages of grief. The stages are a useful tool to use whenever you have a character that experiences any form of loss.
Until next month. Keep writing.
